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sridharlingan
Occasional poster


Joined: 27 Mar 2005
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 5:20 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Badaga marriages are full of fun and frolic. Nobody can miss such a gathering.Buzzing friends and relatives, yennaiittu, avrai uthukka, badaga dance and some nuisance created by boozed people are few to reminisce. But the traditional way of performing badaga marriages vary from one seemai to another. Me very much fond of these traditions. So I try to attend marriages in different seemais to know the traditions they follow. Recently I had been to my hometown and my mom asked me to accompany her to a marriage in Ooty. While sipping my moring coffee I took notice of an elegant marriage invitation on the drawing table. The grooms mother was a great friend of my mom. But I was literally in a shock after reading brides peigree chart (coz you come to know about the names of grand grand parents sometimes...). She was a literate tamil girl somewhere from south of TamilNadu. I gazed at my mom sitting opposite to me with her mug. Its a arranged love marriage was her reply. I was wondering and started thinking about different issues like mingling of people from different cultures, the rituals performed during the marriage.

The day came and we were at the mandap around 8 in the morning. Only few badaga folks and some brides relative sitting in either side of the mandap. It was a dejavu for me as I was thinking the same a day earlier. you can make out the perfect boundary lines without any fence. Obviously we went and sat in the badaga group. An old badaga ethai was sitting near to me. I helped her getting some biscuits and tea. She starting blessing me in the badaga way ( boointhu bokki, kointhu korichi...) and started crying. why are you crying? I asked her. She told, she is the aunt of grooms father. It seems that the day earlier the grooms family arranged a function in the hatti. But the hatti decided not to support or encourage such inter caste marriages and they did not make to the fuction. Being a close relation she had come.

Frankly speaking the bride was not so beautiful compared to our badaga gals. ( Not all..icon_smile.gif) But love is blind, nothing to say. It was time for tying the knots. To my amusement the marriage was performed in the badaga way. But no senior people to perform the rituals perfectly. The other rituals like bringing water from temple, eating in the ganguva, and washing the mat was missing. The brides family did not bother about the other rituals and they were only waiting for the knot. At last the 3 knots were tied on time. The grooms family started making movements for the solgai thannada...song and some hatti people joined and performed mettu atta. In fraction of seconds like bolt out of clear sky the brides family in a group went to the grooms family. They were dicussing something for while and few people from both the family went inside a room. After few minutes they came outside and when the same song was repeated both families started the badaga dance. I was taken aback. They were dancing perfectly after few minutes of reharsal. Now I couldn`t see the boundaries formed earlier. The whole mandap was rocking. Thanks to the song and the badaga dance.
Though it was a happy ending at the last, I felt sad for the couples parents. Personally I feel there are many beautiful badaga guys and gals as said earlier but you have to become blind only after seeing them.The other important thing was I missed my favourite avari utthaka in the menu. Are you guys and gals lookin for the same......

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Sridhara
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gopenath
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 573

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:15 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Hai,
Certainly I am not a person who is looking forward for this type of marriage. Not only in my case but generally speaking about community. I am not against inter caste marriages. Being in the Science field I know some little thing about the advantages of these marriages. But I know Science alone will not make life happy. As you mentioned, its the Bless and wish of our parents and relatives that is going to give us everything in life.
Marriage is a function that occurs only once in life( Indian life, that too nowadays changing, to be particular, Badaga life). I dont understand how people gain happiness by just ignoring all the happy moments that are to take place on that particular day. Ofcourse, there is another side of the coin. All joy on the day of marriage would be exciting but the head ache starts only for the couple in their personal life. So some think that they are not ready to spare their life just for a happy moment on a Single day.
To me it seems, if the hatty people do no support such marriages, it is not gonna affect the couple much, but when the marriage takes place at the cost of our beloved parents, its going to be a hell in life. We cannot judge the mentality of people any way.
When we start an issue, its possible that we discuss both sides of a coin. My views might sound that I support inter caste marriage. Ofcourse I support in a general concept, but if you would ask me personally, I would never comprimise our Beautiful Traditions, Ennai ittu, Avarai udhakka, Gangua, Hosa neeru.................... and on and above all our Parents.

Gopenath.
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sridharlingan
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Joined: 27 Mar 2005
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 11:09 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The word "Comprimise" has become part of the life which results in such marriage.

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Sridhara
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deva_mathan
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Joined: 31 Dec 1998
Posts: 131

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 3:18 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Dear Members,

Whether one accepts , rejects or compromise the cross marriages, the ground reality is that such 'outside' marriages have, to good an extent, became common in several hatties.

The cross marriage happend with badaga boys / girls with qualification as Doctors, Engineers, PhDs at one end to School dropouts at other end.
Some are qualified to graduate levels also.

When 'attraction' starts between a boy & girl it sees no boundaries. The problem crops in only when there is a compatibility issues, finace and finding matches for kids born to such cross marriages.

There are cases where, marrying well known people with in the family tree itself , like as permitted with in badaga culture also failed.

At least one case is well known to me, where a badaga couple eloped though marriage between them is permitted. The reason is - father accepted the marriage with in the relatives & mother rejects the bond just because she did not like the parents of the girl.

In another very similar case the relation terminated with in fortnight, though the boy & girl known each other since birth and played together.

There are two cases, where marriage is forbidden with in badaga culture, but they lived happily.

One of the badaga boy deserted his wife and daughter and living with lady of different culture senior to him by 23 years.

These seems to be cases staright out of movies.

But my thoughts to members are :

1. How does this disturbes other as long as individually we are not at loss ?

2. Does any one supporting / opposing them will help them in times of need either finacially or morally ?

3. Should we bar them from hatties and severe relations with them ?

4. What way we save our culture in this disinetgration process. ?

5. Do we take these as aberrations and keep going ?

Dear members, pl pour in various thoughts.

Cheers!

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Devarajan Mathan-
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gopenath
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 573

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:24 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Dear members,

1. How does this disturbes other as long as individually we are not at loss ?
My personal opinion would be that, the people of today´s generation are never disturbed with intercaste marriages, as we know most of the youngsters are literated and they know the probability of these marriages.When the parents on both sides agree, then I think there need not be any disturbances to other people. If they are disturbed, I believe that they dont have enough work to carry on with and they find time to criticise. None of us is perfect in all aspects.

2. Does any one supporting / opposing them will help them in times of need either finacially or morally ?
Again the same strategy applies here as well. This generation people, especially youngs would definitely help those who are in need provided the boy and girl are fair enough in character. I believe a boy and a girl of different castes, if married, there is nothing to do with character, provided they fullfill all the necessary factors like age, employment, attitude towards the society etc... It is at this point that most of our people make mistakes. When such marriages take place, we blindly speak that both the boy and girl are very worst in character. Ofcourse there are exceptions. I would help a couple atleast morally if not capable financially, while my father wont. There comes the gap in generation.

3. Should we bar them from hatties and severe relations with them ?
I am totally against this practise of Bar. I personally feel that it is a Human Right violation. May be the relations and hatty people wont like to support the marriage, that would be their personal intentions but no one has the right to send them away. If suppose this be a law of a hatty, then why there is a partiality between the rich and the poor. I have seen people accepting the marriage that has taken place in a rich family, while the poors are being treated cheaply. It does not make any sense of the law of driving away the couple.

4. What way we save our culture in this disinetgration process. ?
I surrender myself to this question. It is a fact that some of our traditions are definitely lost during such marriages. No one has enough time to teach him/her about our old tradition and culture in this fast moving world. But I put a question here. How many of the marriages, that are arranged among our Badagas, really go for culture and tradition at this particular era? There are marriages which follow these I should not deny, but still I find a lack. If the answer is, we dont follow all the traditions and culture, then intercaste marriages have nothing to do with culture.

5. Do we take these as aberrations and keep going ?
My opinion would be YES. Because, today´s life is being approved by the status and money and nothing more than that. We know that it would be a mistake to go on with intercaste marriage, but we just keep going....and nothing to deal with the couple. And its very difficult to convince the people of this era which all of us have to accept. All the boys and girls have enough education and jobs to take care of themselves and their family............ They wait for none to decide their life. This is what MODERNISATION AND GLOBALISATION has given us by which we call that our community has DEVELOPED.
This life is dualistic in all aspects, true and false, rich and poor, good and bad, ups and downs and on and on.......................... The power of Nature is always above us. Whenever there is a gain in any aspect, definitely there would be a loss in some other aspect in order to have a balanced equation. And now we have Development, Modernisation and Globalisation as gains and Detoriaration of Culture, Tradition and Habits as Loss.
There may be some mistakes in my views. If any, I apologise........
Suggestions and views are welcome.

Gopenath.
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ravibalraj
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Joined: 19 Oct 2003
Posts: 67

PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2008 1:23 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Hi All,
Some of the opinions from our members:

Hi all,

I was wondering, why do we go for other community love marriage? When you have a real best one is available in our community itself. Just you may be need a little more search.

I have been to many places in India as well abroad and met few Badaga people married with other community (Tamil, Hindi, American, European, African, etc., ), none of them are happy. They realize the mistake just after couple of month. Now they say, OUR PEOPLE AND OUR PLACE is the great in the world.

I request our young people to think about this message before going for it.

Appreciate and thanks to all, who ever respect our community and maintain our culture.


Thanks,
Ramesh
Toronto – Canada

___________________________________________________________________________

It is all about marry in haste and repent in lsisure.

Definitely there is no dearth of [Un] qualified boys & Girls in our community. In several cases it because of parochial approach of parents and supposed to be gaurdians who does not understand the biological need of their offsprings with age the boys/Girls take steps of their supposedly right [!?!] direction of marrying outside the community.

One of the parents felt because of his daughter was dark in skin colour several boys in the community refused and hence the girl opted for boy of her choice outside the community though she was qualified.

Even a qualified Girl of better education with good skin coulour did this. It is time we take the opinion of those who chose outside the community and come to a real time conclusion than opinions gathered.

Several times it is the care takers who are at fault.

Deva - Kilkunda
94861-75360

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None of the posts reflects the concept of whether you respect the culture or disrespect the same, infact everybody respect their culture & tradition, and exceptional cases, may be a couple in billion..... are inevitable.

" NANGELLA MODHALU DEVARA MAKKA " – Although we believe and may be true that we are all indeed God’s own children as you've quoted, we've have neither seen nor talked even a couple of words with him todate. Since you are a literature graduate as you had mentioned elsewhere if I’m not wrong, you might have crossed a piece of quotation which was written by an eminent person who knows literature more than us, stating that…..

“ MAATHAA PITHAA GURU DHEIVAM ” – mother, father, guru- a person who directs us in a right way and God. To put across sentimentally, for each and every individual…. “OWWETHA MODHAL DHEVARU”.

Well, when they do happen once in a while, your request is reasonable; of course there is no need to curse those souls after all we are all human beings and the explanation regarding the same has already been mentioned by vivekraju. In addition to that, a recent report (undocumented!!) implies that there are 20+ inter-caste marriages (with badaga girls) happened in and around coimbatore since for the past less than half decade. Although 20+ is a countable number (I'd say negligible) compared to the world population, it’s a huge number as for as a small community, our badaga is concerned I believe. If it continues,……...I think no need to explain……….

Though I am just 30, am sure that you must be younger than me and here is a GENERAL CONCEPT in connection with your piece of writing (that is your own opinion...understood)………………..I shall continue believing in what I always have and u shall also do the same ………………

Even if we are well educated and etc, we may not know whether what we have with us is right or wrong and we need tips from elsewhere to realize and, to come to a conclusion…may be partial, irrespective of xyz. To put it in tamil…

KATRADHU KAI MANNALAVU
KALLAADHADHU ULAGALAVU

This is highly applicable for everyone and even for those who are counting their days or hours as well.

Should I say no offence meant.....??? Hope everybody understands

I appreciate you for some of your valuable thoughts!!!


Rams

Thanks
manjooran
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