Homepage Badaga Community Forum Index FAQ Search Usergroups Profile Log in to check your private messages Log in Register
Badaga Community
Welcome to Badaga community forum
View next topic
View previous topic
Post new topic Reply to topic
Author Message
anithagkl
Occasional poster


Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 44

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:54 am Reply with quoteBack to top

why are girls 24 and above considered too old for marrige? i have come across incidences where the guys family like everything about the girl, her family,her education,etc., but she is rejected because of her age. Her only fault is she's done her higher education and started working.so by that time shes 24 or25 and people start asking for her younger sister. Guys no matter what the age expect girls to be 21 or 22. Is this fair?
View user's profileSend private message
meenakshi
Starter


Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 4:04 am Reply with quoteBack to top

True Anitha, I agree. This is a matter guys will have to think about. Most of the guys now-a-days working in metros / cosmopolitan cities are looking out for working partners. By the time girls complete their education and manage to settle themselves in a good job, they are 26/27 and itz the same with boyz.

But most of the ppl r looking for working partner in age of 20/21. Howz it possible. Let us think guyz.

If this is the case with every guy, I pity Aishwaraya Rai, Sushmitha, Priyanka, Laura, Preethi, Rani etc, ect...
View user's profileSend private messageSend e-mailYahoo Messenger
sridharlingan
Occasional poster


Joined: 27 Mar 2005
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 6:57 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Its not true that all guys are looking for working partner.

It is because of our custom that grooms family look for a bride in the age of 21-23. Hence the custom has to be changed.

I would like to bring to your notice that there are some gals in our community who are presuming their higher studies after marriage too.

_________________
Sridhara
View user's profileSend private messageSend e-mail
l_santhosh
Frequent poster


Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 143

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 11:15 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This is a very relevant topic today and 'anithagkl' deserves a pat for raising it.
Are girls above 24 considered too old for marriage?
I see this from two angles: one, village; two, city(including abroad).
In villages, the only aim of parents is to get their daughters married.
In cities, this is not the 'only' aim, which means there can be others also.

In our villages, above 24 is surely considered old.
The reason - people there are used to our age-old ways of marriage.
And what entails this "age-old ways"?
Early marriage; when around 16, girls were given to marriage.
This has decreased, eventhough it still exists.
Nowadays, parents in these villages are atleast convinced of, and try, sending their daughters to college. In all probability, this will be a 3-year course, not more than that.
Once college is done with, it's time for the "send-off"(my apologies if you feel offended).
So, 19 or 20 or even 21 is ripe for marriage; 24 is the age she is supposed to be done-with-births.

People living in cities would have cast-off this ingrained idea.
How did they shrug it off? They see other people; they interact with people from other cultures; they see their friends' and neighbours' daughters studying professional courses and opting for higher education. It will help here to remember Oedipal complex. To get their daughters married becomes, not their sole aim.

For a groom's parents, living in the same city-society, a bride of 23 or 24 becomes favourably acceptable.
Some of them will be open to 25 or 26; but after that, it's stretching too far.
The groom himself will be less bothered about the age of his would-be, as long as she is younger, by atleast 2-3 years.

But it is perfectly fair for a guy to expect his groom to be 21 or 22 years.
In the same breath, it is grossly unfair that, having come to see one, the groom's parents ask for her sister.

Talking of fairness, and having expressed my views, I have a question.
Why is there an unadulterated craze for a US maapillai? This is glaringly visible, especially among the Moms of 'javani hennukunave'.
View user's profileSend private messageSend e-mailVisit poster's websiteYahoo Messenger
purni
Frequent poster


Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 236

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

To this topic i pose my self to be a very good example to some of the points given here.I stepped into marriage life when i was about to be 20.That was even before my final semester. i was asked infact forced to discontinue my studies.But anyhow by God's grace i finished my degree after my marriage. Idhu thevaya? BUt i over came it.
When parents hold a degree they expect their children to go further than what they have achieved. its the same with parents who do not hold such stuff. thay think that a degree is enuf for their girl child which sounds Big enuf for them.They expect good grooms, may be also from US as you said and just want to self satisfy themselves. this is what is happening every where. " happa henna madhve kegisi dhodda gelcha birigithu" will be the dialouge most parents would utter. But God only knows when these kind of parents will understand that when girls getting married at a younger age will lead to bitter consequences. The girl may be given a hell a lot of advises to get accustomed to her new family. but my question is How can they expect a 20 yr old girl to fully understand a 55 yr old mother in law?she may not even have any ideas adout her own hubby and her own life nad by this time she's expected to carry all the unnecessary burdens in life. Pity the girl child of o ur community.

_________________
Regards,Purni
View user's profileSend private message
drrams
Frequent poster


Joined: 14 May 2004
Posts: 340

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:59 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Well, of the plausible reasons, the following may be a few.

Reasons for the age difference
In general, she will have many responsibilities apart from earnings throughout the life, of course money is important but remember... it is not always!!!…...to make a life fruitful.

It doesn’t matter whether the wife will support financially or not, but the guy has to take full responsibility to lead his family after his marriage, hence he has to think and act according to that (what we call it as purusa-latchanam) and, for that he needs education, money etc., ultimately it’ll take years to touch that level.

Everyone knows that life is like two souls in single heart. Either of them (either hubby or wife) must be physically well enough till their children to get some positions or etc to overcome certain things which includes fulfilling their basic necessities (???).

As we know that the physical changes along with other things will make her tired or aged etc comparatively when year goes. Since it’ll be quite difficult for her to overcome those responsibilities even if they are small, our ancestors started this kind of things, I mean the difference in age and etc and of course still, coz it is true only.

The focus of Anithagkl may be wrong, generally speaking, it is not that she will reject because of her age; why not the reason(s) may be different. Either she may be over qualified and/ earning more or some other things and remember….no body will say that he (she) is inferior to some xyz even if he (she) is. And one more thing…u know…it is universal truth that the life will be quite comfortable financially if both are working, but somehow they’ll (may) face some problems (not all) either the way of their children’s brought up or etc.etc..it is absolutely true and several lively examples are there regarding the same as well.

Well, forget about all those things. On the other hand, let me ask u a couple of questions.

1)Consider yourself as an unmarried girl of either 22/24; will u marry a normal man if u r well qualified and/ earning or even if u r from rich family icon_wink.gif ???

2)U girls (or ur parents) expect only US fellows with dollars and dollars as santhosh pointed out or soft ware engineers or scientists or doctors or some other fellows with hi-fi things, then whynot guys icon_wink.gif (the view may vary)??

See..each and everyone has their own expectations and they’ll look for something, that solely depends upon their own things. And for ur kind information, everything is changing in recent days and hope we’ll have a better life shortly.

Purni..what u r thinking is also unfair coz generally as for as mother –in-laws are concerned, their life style is different.

NINGA HATTIYOGEY NINGA AYYA-NAVAKKA HETHEY-AVAKKA EASA OLLANGEY KATHU, SETTLE AAGI IDHAAREY?? MOSTLY, AVAKKA ARADHADHELLA, GEEVADHU AND THIMBHADHUTHA. ORAASU OLAGAVA ARIYARU, KUNNAVEY ENDHALEY GEEVADHUTHA ENDHU NENCHUNDIDHAAREY EAKKANDHALEY AVAKKA ATHEY GEEDHUDHAAREY. ADHUNA AA AA MANEYA GANDA KAARARUTHA PURUNJUVAANGEY EAGI LIFE-A BALANCE-AA EATHINDOPPADHU; ATHEYTHA NADADHUNDADADHEYU KOODA EXCEPT A FEW.

“ondhu thanni aakkidhamana koda sandey aakki nanga win maadileyu amana koda win maadodhuga nee eana kombanaa endhaara; thothaleyu amanakodavey thothu bhutteyey endhaara” (it doesn’t mean that MILs r weak). Adhundha mammi avakka nee eagidhaangey idhaleyu, pootti-aakkadhey; eathey adjust maadodhu endhu think maadi; ninga hubby avakkara suggestions-savu kaethu, mammi avakkarakoda adjust maadi irivi. And ella soseyaru athamaakkey ibhadhu embhadhutha enga aaseyu kooda icon_smile.gif icon_smile.gif icon_smile.gif icon_smile.gif .

Besides all, personally I appreciate anithagkl for the useful posting entitled “IS IT FAIR??” and those who posted their nice comments as well icon_smile.gif icon_smile.gif .
View user's profileSend private messageYahoo Messenger
karthikeyan
Starter


Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 7:23 am Reply with quoteBack to top

i too agree anitha i do even faced the same problem with my friend see the guys wanted a well educated girl but when she has completed herPG SHE WILL BE AROUND 24/25 then she works for an year then she will be around 26 i think this is the correct age for the girls to get married. i really app you for bringing up this matter anitha

_________________
loving
View user's profileSend private messageSend e-mailYahoo Messenger
gopi_nath
Starter


Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 8:28 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Yes, I hope It is really fair enough for guy to go for his groom with the age of 21-23. I agree with the explanations given by Mr.rams and Santhosh.
View user's profileSend private messageYahoo Messenger
vivekraju
Frequent poster


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 194

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 2:07 am Reply with quoteBack to top

In our community there is a custom that the guy should be around 4-5 years older than the girl,generally guys in our community marry at the age of 29-31 and they prefer girls below 24,i still have no clue why a gal and boy of the same age marry each other icon_rolleyes.gif icon_rolleyes.gif icon_rolleyes.gif icon_rolleyes.gif
View user's profileSend private messageSend e-mailYahoo Messenger
vivekraju
Frequent poster


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 194

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 2:33 am Reply with quoteBack to top

In our community there is a custom that the guy should be around 4-5 years older than the girl,generally guys in our community marry at the age of 29-31 and they prefer girls below 24,i still have no clue why a gal and boy of the same age dont marry each other icon_rolleyes.gif icon_rolleyes.gif icon_rolleyes.gif
View user's profileSend private messageSend e-mailYahoo Messenger
muralibasavaraj
Starter


Joined: 23 Oct 2003
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 11:46 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Anita i agree with you and it is not fair. I have heard of instances were guys have married girls in their late twenties but it is very rare. But i am sure things are bound to change & eventually it will be common for guys to accept well settled and carrier oriented girls at 25\26.

Geetha
View user's profileSend private messageSend e-mail
purni
Frequent poster


Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 236

PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:31 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Raams girls are always looking for guys with dollars embadhu apppppaaaaara thappu. aratai arangam visu hegidhange appo appo "sila"(few) embadhnuvu sethilo. eanava dollars ah nodi eana maadodhuga hegu? most of the guys working abroad bandhu thanga manaya saalava birikudhugaagi nae(dog) maake geedhaara. avakagu adjust maadinibba hendurugavu(wife) idhara embadhuna im reminding you. dollars beedhubama ellavu hanagara illai. Rs beethunibama ella ezhai yu illai. Hana paithiya idatha girls vu idhare ,illai embile. aale eana sila sila sila adjust maaduva hengavu idhare adjust maadadha son in laws vu idhare. proof beka???????????????

_________________
Regards,Purni
View user's profileSend private message
drrams
Frequent poster


Joined: 14 May 2004
Posts: 340

PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:36 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Purni..naa ellava eaguley; mostly atheytha. Idhunogey innondhu secret-u adadhey. Easaga sambhaarchina endhutha nodiyaara; aaley easaga over all expenditure aara embhadhuna dhaaru ariyuru. Manega gandu endhu huttidhama saala-joli ellava nododhuthaaney! Illadholey ama gandu endhu huttidhadhugavey arthailladhey aagibhuttara. Aaley ama kandippa thanna endara ollangey nodinna; exceptions embhadhu eanava ethileyu attara; adhuna dhaaru marachodhuga mudiya; illeya??. Ella engu-kunnaveyu ninna maakkey theliva idhudhaley eana kasta; anaitttttthum subamey!!!!! Adjust maadindu ibba hennu kunnaveyu idhaarey embhadhuna naanu accept maadiney.

Innondhu information, enna friend obba (he is a post doctoral fellow) ondhu ennu noduvaney (last year), ava eana endhudhavey aradheyaa?? Ama vayasaagidhaney endhudhavey. (He is just 30 and she is a BE graduate & working it seems). So, idhunavu note maadodhu illeyaa icon_smile.gif icon_smile.gif ???
View user's profileSend private messageYahoo Messenger
gopi_nath
Starter


Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:49 am Reply with quoteBack to top

purni wrote:
Raams girls are always looking for guys with dollars embadhu apppppaaaaara thappu. aratai arangam visu hegidhange appo appo "sila"(few) embadhnuvu sethilo. eanava dollars ah nodi eana maadodhuga hegu? most of the guys working abroad bandhu thanga manaya saalava birikudhugaagi nae(dog) maake geedhaara. avakagu adjust maadinibba hendurugavu(wife) idhara embadhuna im reminding you. dollars beedhubama ellavu hanagara illai. Rs beethunibama ella ezhai yu illai. Hana paithiya idatha girls vu idhare ,illai embile. aale eana sila sila sila adjust maaduva hengavu idhare adjust maadadha son in laws vu idhare. proof beka???????????????


It is better to discuss, what is happening in most cases rather than discussing some exceptional cases. In general nowadays whether they may be girls or guys decides their life partner mainly based on financial status. If it is found Ok, then other things are taken into consideration.

But, as far as my knowledge is concerned, In our community, still the age factor is not at all considered as a main thing. Because, I have seen many girls get married even at the age of 27(and above also) and even i have seen some guys have married girls who are elder than themselves. Apart from this I have seen 18 year girl getting married to 35 years guy. I think this really indicates that age of a guy or a girl is not a main criteria in general as far as our community is concerned.

There may be some cases here and there who may require girls with lesser age. It will be there always since the requirement and dream of each and every person about their life partner will varry normally.

And also, I really want to know what's wrong in asking for younger one , if she really fit to their requirement ??

Hence, I don't think much thought has to be given on this issue since the situation is not too bad.
View user's profileSend private messageYahoo Messenger
purni
Frequent poster


Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 236

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Guys demanding ah ibbane, girls demanding ah ibudhu eana thappu? ava hegidhadhu dhage ondhu thappu illai endhu naa nenachine. she may be only 23 or 24. why not she expect some one around 27 or28.? thappa eanaga thorule.Eana raams!!!

_________________
Regards,Purni
View user's profileSend private message
Display posts from previous:       
Post new topic Reply to topic

View next topic
View previous topic
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB All times are GMT - 7 Hours