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srikumar
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Joined: 27 Mar 2004
Posts: 51

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 9:51 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Now that the 'Enjoy Maaaadi' topic has disappeared, it's time for a fresh start...From now on lets post all the funny stuff in here...so that we needn't look all over the main page to get a few laughs...I'll start off with a few.

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srikumar
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 9:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg. icon_smile.gif
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. icon_redface.gif
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." icon_evil.gif
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". icon_confused.gif
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.icon_twisted.gif
In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."icon_evil.gif
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese man, replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same." icon_twisted.gif

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Srikumar
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srikumar
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Joined: 27 Mar 2004
Posts: 51

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 10:25 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

One day, this woman decided to check out if her three sons-in-law liked her or at least appreciated her a little.

The next day, she was walking by a river with her first son-in-law when she lets herself slide in the water and pretended to drown. Without any hesitation her son-in-law jumped in the water to save her. The next morning, in front of his house, he found a little Peugeot 206, brand new, with a note on the windshield: "Thank you. From your grateful mother in-law who likes you a lot."

The next day she tries the same experiment with her second son-in-law.He also dives and saves her at once. The next morning, in front of his house, he also found a little Peugeot 206, brand new, with the same note on the windshield: "Thank you. From your grateful mother in-law who likes you a lot."

Same scenario with the third son-in-law, she slides in the water and begins to drown. While she ’s slowly sinking deep in the river he stares at her thinking: "It ’s about time this witch dies!"

The next morning, in front of his house, he finds a brand new Porsche Carrera GT, with this note on the windshield: "Thanks Pal. Your Father-in-law."

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Srikumar
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srikumar
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Joined: 27 Mar 2004
Posts: 51

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 10:30 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?" - Lily Tomlin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When you're away, I'm restless, lonely, Wretched, bored, dejected; only here's the rub, my darling dear, I feel the same when you're near." - Samuel Hoffenstein.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Bigamy is having one spouse two many. Monogamy is just the same." -Anonymous.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barbara Walters: "You've been married 42 years. What makes your marriage work?"
Robert Mitchum: "Lack of imagination, I suppose."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets." - Ogden Nash.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands." - Jayne Mansfield.
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"Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives." - H. L. Mencken.
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"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry.
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"Bachelors know more about women than married men do. If they didn't, they'd be married too." - H. L. Mencken.
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"God made man, and then said "I can do better than that" and made woman." - Adela Rogers St. John.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time." - Tallulah Bankhead.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When a woman behaves like a man, why can't she behave like a nice man?" - Dame Edith Evans.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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srikumar
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Posts: 51

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 10:44 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to
speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him:

"Do you love your wife?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"Do you love your country?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"What do you love more, your wife or your country?"
"My country, sir."
"Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."

The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves.

The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..."

The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives
him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes.

The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun
on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!"

"The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"

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vivekraju
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 194

PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 1:49 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Hey man,where is my enjoy maadi thread icon_cry.gif icon_cry.gif icon_cry.gif

Hey Sri r u behind this icon_twisted.gif icon_twisted.gif icon_twisted.gif icon_twisted.gif

icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif
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srikumar
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Joined: 27 Mar 2004
Posts: 51

PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:27 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Err...This is a test message...I got to this page through mail from the automated reply notification system.

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srikumar
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Posts: 51

PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:28 am Reply with quoteBack to top

HEY MY TOPIC'S BACK!!! HURRAY!!! Here come a few more!!!

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer.

Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent.

Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you.

Good: You get a three-day weekend. Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre. Bad: It's performance art.

Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas." Bad: For real.

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune. Bad: It's counterfeit.

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srikumar
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Posts: 51

PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:40 am Reply with quoteBack to top

MEN & WOMEN (Note: This makes fun of Women AND MEN, so don't get mad at me...purni icon_wink.gif )

RELATIONSHIPS:
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to
her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are
Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the
break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say,
"I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never
forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want
you to know that there's always a chance for us". This is known as
the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% if all
men have made at least once. There are community colleges that
offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes

rarely prove effective.

Men always seem to be sure they have met the "one". Women on the
other hand always think that there's going to be a better "one" coming
along.

Men spend all their best efforts to catch the girl and then they lose
interest when the hunt is over. Women don't have any interest in the
man who is chasing her, but then they spend all their best efforts
keeping the relationship together when it starts!

HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-
scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's"
with circles and hearts.
Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "q's." It is a
royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you,
she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

COMEDY:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching

television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on.
Immediately, the men will get very excited;
they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the
actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge. The women will roll their
eyes and groan and wait it out.

Women will laugh at the antics of characters who remind them of men
they know. The men will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving

cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday
Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the
store and buys these things.

A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and
a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks
good. By the time a man reached the checkout counter, his cart is

packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies.
Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,
and then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a
plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her
dress
shoes. 5 minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under
the desk.

A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

GOING OUT:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out.

When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be
ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on

her makeup...

CATS:
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking,
men kick cats.

OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man in vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days.

A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his

surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will
do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a
dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of
clothes to the laundromat.
Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat.
This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love,
American Style."

SOCKS:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.

Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles,
that have pictures of clouds on them, that have a big fuzzy ball on
the back.

EATING OUT:
and when the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each
throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will
have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change
back.

When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

MIRRORS:
Men are vain; they will always check themselves out in a mirror.

Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any
shiny surface: mirrors , spoons, store windows, toasters,
Joe Garagiola's head.

THE TELEPHONE:
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the
telephone to send short messages to other people.

A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning

home she will call the same friend and they will talk for 3 hours.

DIRECTIONS:
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar
surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for
directions.

Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and
ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while
saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and,
"I know I'm in the general neighborhood, I recognize that 7-11

store"

ADMITTING MISTAKES:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who
admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.

TOYS:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age
of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older,
their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical.
Examples of men's toys:
little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and

blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails
on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps and
requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

PLANTS:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The
man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an
apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

CAMERAS:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for

state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography
classes.

Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course women always
end up taking better pictures.

NICKNAMES:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names
like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk," women eschew the use of
nicknames. If Jennifer, Susan, Kristen and Michelle get together for
lunch, they will call each other Jennifer, Susan, Kristen and
Michelle.

But if Mike, Dave and Jack go out for a brewski, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Peanut-Brain, and

Useless.

HAIRCUTS:
For men haircuts are a short and simple process: make an appointment,
go in, come out with your hair slightly shorter.

For women the process is much more complicated. First, numerous hair
styles, colorings and lengths must be considered. The only
hairstylist in the world they trust must be reserved. The whole
process is filled with excitement and worry. And finally she hides
from the world for several days because she is not sure if she likes

her new haircut.

SPORTS:
Women like sports that are judged on grace and beauty, such as
gymnastics and figure skating.

Men like sports that are judged on physical aggression and violence,
such as football, hockey and boxing. Any man caught doing gymnastics
or figure skating would be labelled a pansy, sissy, or "that" guy.

There are no sports that both men and women enjoy. Full contact
gymnastics never got off the ground.

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srikumar
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Joined: 27 Mar 2004
Posts: 51

PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 10:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Here's a Badaga joke for you people...My grandma told me this about 10 years ago and it just came back out of the blue.

Ondhu hattiyoge, ondhu Iyya gelchava birikkittu manega ecchidha...Manaya Hetthe, enavo arichindu iddha...

Iyya: Sinni, enava ee matta maadi arichindidhe? icon_eek.gif
Hetthe: Akki aava padiya tha kaane thava...Adhuna tha arichindidhe. icon_redface.gif
Iyya: Owwe, thotta geraaga urundetthinu hora thava...Adhu nangadhu thana? Adhu dharadhu varayo endhu bandhubuttey.. icon_twisted.gif
Hetthe: Muruva, adhu nangadhu tha...Etthindu baraadheka? icon_confused.gif
Iyya: Sari bayya, na thottaga hogi adhuna ethindu banne...annagatta ninna kayina hado padiya beethu aadhundu iru. icon_lol.gif

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srikumar
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Posts: 51

PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 8:24 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Men always have better friends...They will stand by you, no matter
what....!!!

Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the
very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment
overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none
of them confirm that she was with them.

Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very
next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So
the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed
at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still
with them!!

icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif icon_lol.gif

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srikumar
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Posts: 51

PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:27 am Reply with quoteBack to top

The following were supposedly said by the legendary (yeah right icon_lol.gif) Navjot Singh Sidhu. Now I'm not sure if he really said these but they sure are funny as hell...Read on and have a laugh...

1. That ball went so high it could have got an airhostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados. "Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala. One falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own
buttocks with his two hands."

22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

29. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

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srikumar
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Posts: 51

PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:32 am Reply with quoteBack to top

DISCLAIMER: The latter part of this message might be a tiny bit disgusting, but it sure holds a lot of truth and is funny only if told this way..So if you don't want to read on feel free to do so icon_lol.gif

--------------------------------------------------------------

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Lesson - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

--------------------------------------------------------------

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Lesson - Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Lessons:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

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srikumar
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Posts: 51

PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 8:43 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Awww...come one you guys...give me some votes...Everything needs energy you know...the votes dont even have to be for ROFL icon_wink.gif , but it would be nice though icon_lol.gif

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Posts: 51

PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:12 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold.......... on......yes 009161356102049998-45-565"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Dutt and you're calling from 17x Alipour Road, Kolkata. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from
the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total
is Rs. 550.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you owe your bank Rs.35,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,
Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number WB1123..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 5th July 1990 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints ]

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