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vinu_scorpion
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Joined: 19 Jun 2001
Posts: 274

PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 6:48 am Reply with quoteBack to top

A message worth going through, and R e a l i s i n g the intent behind it.


The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"

The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."

Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."


His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, Just one sale."


The boss says: "Just ONE? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale or?"

Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"

Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What did you sell?"


Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sold him small fishhook. Then I sold him medium fishhook. Then I sold him large fishhook. Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I asked him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sold him twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.


I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.

Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.


The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"

Indian boy says: "No Sir, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."...

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Vinod.
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vinu_scorpion
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Joined: 19 Jun 2001
Posts: 274

PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 6:30 am Reply with quoteBack to top

A Tribute to the Professors of India, on their usage of English

# Inside the Class:
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor.
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class ..)
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today.
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.
* Take 5 cm wire of any length.
* shhh... quite, the principal is rotating in the school.
* (Facing the Board) Dont talk in front of my back.

# About his family:
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls....(?)

# At the ground:
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the ball.

# To a boy, angrily:
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# Giving a punishment:
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)

# Sir at his best:
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next day at school (to that boy): "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre."

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Vinod.
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vinu_scorpion
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Joined: 19 Jun 2001
Posts: 274

PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 8:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I want to share one nice experience with all of you.

This Saturday I was in Forum Mall and around 9.30 I decided to leave for my home. So I went to the back side of Forum (towards Oracle) to get the auto but as usual no one was ready to go by meter. So I went to the other side of forum where one prepaid counter is there.

I asked at the counter that I want to go to J.P. Nagar. The guy over there asked me to go to the back side. I told him that there is no auto willing to go there. Then he gave me the slip for prepaid but the auto rickshaw driver refused to go to J.P. Nagar. So I asked the guys at the prepaid counter but they refused to help me.

That time I remembered that one of my friend have sent me the mobile no of Dy Commissioner of Traffic Police Mr. Saleem. I called up at that no and Mr Saleem told me to wait there for 5 min. Guys, within 5 mins one traffic police jeep came there and then the scenario changed drastically. All the Auto rick Drivers were lined up. And they were asked to go where ever the customer asked them.

I was also provided with a auto and the Traffic police inspector gave me his mobile no and asked me to call if the the driver misbehaves with me.. I was astonished to see the speed of the police. I think this is really a great work by Mr. M. Saleem. It really nice to feel we have such a Dy. Commisioner here in Bangalore.

Please note down his no so that in case of any such problem you can also get his help.

Dy. Commissioner Of Traffic Police.
Mr. Saleem
Mobile no : 9886493813

Got it from one of my friend... might be useful for those in Bangalore.

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Vinod.
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l_santhosh
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Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 143

PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 10:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

That is surprising...kudos to Saleem.
We hope this will work not only with prepaid autos but also the others.
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vinu_scorpion
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Joined: 19 Jun 2001
Posts: 274

PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 7:35 am Reply with quoteBack to top

True Santosh... Lets hope so...

Was just remembering one comedy scene from Minnale where Vivek says "Enakku IG Theriyum... Aana avaruku ennai theriyathu...."

We can start telling " Enaku Commissioner Saleema Theriyum icon_lol.gif icon_biggrin.gif icon_lol.gif "...

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Vinod.
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vinu_scorpion
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Joined: 19 Jun 2001
Posts: 274

PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 6:39 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote

If an S and an I and an O and a U With an X at the end spell Su; and an E and a Y and an E spell I, Pray what is a speller to do?

Then, if also an S and an I and a G And an HED spell side, There's nothing much left for a speller to do, but to go commit siouxeyesighed.

-- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament"

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Vinod.
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vinu_scorpion
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Joined: 19 Jun 2001
Posts: 274

PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 7:27 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Cool Answers

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

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Regards,
Vinod.
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vinu_scorpion
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Joined: 19 Jun 2001
Posts: 274

PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 7:06 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Top 9 Funniest News paper Classifieds - (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man....if only I knew A B C....)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again. (sure...thanx for the warning!)

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. (in months or years?)

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out)

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet)

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. (wow! A free trip to heaven?)

7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. (uh...huh!)

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. (hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. (nice work!)

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Vinod.
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