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rnandhi
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Joined: 31 Dec 1999
Posts: 38

PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 6:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

NRI Women's view: Enjoy
Resident Indians vs NRI's

1. Mother-in law
In India - A woman capable of making your
life miserable.

Outside India - A women you never fight with,
because where else
can you find such a dedicated baby sitter for free?

2. Husband
In India - A boring human species, who
listens more to his
mother than you, and orders you around to serve him,
his parents and
siblings.
Outside India - Still boring, but now a
useful human species
that comes in handy when the house needs to be
vacuumed.

3. Friend
In India - A person whose house you can drop
into any time of
the day or night and you'll always be welcome.
Outside India - A person who you have to
call first to check and
make sure he is not busy

4. Wife
In India - A woman who gives you your
underwear and towel when
you go to take a shower.
Outside India - A woman who yells at you not
to leave tub dirty
when you go to take bath.

5. Son
In India - A teenager, who without asking
will carry your
grocery bags from the market.
Outside India - A teenager, who suddenly
remembers he has lot of
homework when you start mowing the lawn.

6. Daughter
In India - A lovely doll, who brings tears
to your eyes during
her marriage.
Outside India - A lovely doll, who brings
you to tears long
before her marriage

7. Father
In India - A person you are afraid of, and
who is never to be
disobeyed.
Outside India - A person to whom you pretend
to obey, after all
he is the one paying your college tuition.

8. Desi Engineer
In India - A person with a respectable job
and earning lots.
Outside India - A person without a secure
job, who always dreams
one day he will be rich.

9. Desi Doctor
In India - A respectable person with an OK
income.
Outside India - A moneymaking machine, who
has a money-spending
machine at home called "doctor's wife".

10. Bhangra
In India - A vigorous Punjabi festival
dance.
Outside India - A desi dance you do, when
you don't know how to
dance.

11. Software Engineer
In India - A high-tech guy, always speaks in
a American accent,
always anxious to queue up in the consulate visa
line.
Outside India - The same hi-tech guy, who
does Ganapati Puja
everyday, and says 'This is my last year in the US
(or wherever)' every
year.

12. A Green Card holder bachelor
In India - the guy can't speak Hindi,
parents of good looking
girls are dying to hook him, wears jacket in summer,
says he has a BMW back there.
Outside India - the guy can't speak English,
wears jacket all
the time, works in a Candy store in Manhattan,
dreams of owning a BMW.
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rabin
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Joined: 27 Mar 2003
Posts: 83

PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 7:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Badaga jokes anyone? There are number of jokes that are told in hatties for generations. Unfortunately I cannot remember any right now. You know, like some Aiyya went out to the field or was grazing the herd and something funny happened.... etc.

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devanandbn
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Joined: 31 Dec 1999
Posts: 34

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 5:05 am Reply with quoteBack to top

BADAGA JOKE ? -[No Stock] - For Now BOYZZZ.....GIRLZZZZ...

Hey Stop!!! Not For Serious Brains !!! icon_rolleyes.gif


BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

GIRL : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,Peter?
BOY : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

GIRL : "Would you like your coffee black?"
BOY : "What other colors do you have?"

GIRL : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
BOY : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

GIRL1 : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
GIRL2 : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette
out of his mouth.

WIFE :
You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and
comes out of the other.
HUSBAND :
You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears
and comes out of the mouth.

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student :
"Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."

Teacher :
" George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you
know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student : " Because George still had the axe in his hand."

icon_wink.gif icon_wink.gif icon_wink.gif

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purni
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Posts: 236

PostPosted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:59 am Reply with quoteBack to top

U should be having more stuff in u.pour it out and lets laugh !!!

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rajunandha
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Joined: 04 Jan 2003
Posts: 293

PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2005 1:40 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Sardar Again...


Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore. The questions are as follows:

1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116

B) 99

C) 100

D) 150

Sardar says "I will skip this"


2) In which country are the Panama hats made?

A) BRASIL

B) CHILE

C) PANAMA

D) EQUADOR

Sardar asks for help from the University students


3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the
October Revolution?

A) JANUARY

B) SEPTEMBER

C) OCTOBER

D) NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public


4) Which of these was King George VI first name?

A) EDER

B) ALBERT

C) GEORGE

D) MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards


5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has
its name based on Which animal:

A) CANARY BIRD

B) KANGAROO

C) PUPPY

D) RAT

Sardar gives up.


BUT THE ACTUAL FACT...


SCROLL DOWN.......


If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;

1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453 !!

2) The Panama hat is made in Equador !!

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November !!

4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name !!

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies !!


Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again

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rajunandha
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Joined: 04 Jan 2003
Posts: 293

PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2005 1:46 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Free timela padiyunka!!! sirinka!!!


''கம்ப்யூட்டர் கிளாஸ்ல டீச்சர் ஏன் உன்னை கை வீங்குற அளவுக்கு அடிச் சாங்க?''

''சாப்ட்வேர்.. ஹார்டுவேர்ன்னா என்னான்னு கேட்டாங்க.

சாப்ட்வேர் எங்கப்பா ஹார்டுவேர் எங்கம்மான்னு சொன்னேன்.. அடி பின்னிட்டாங்க!''


''என்னய்யா சொல்றீர். உங்க மனைவியை அடிச்சதால உன் கையில எப்படி அடிபட்டுது?''

''போட்டோவுல இருந்த என் மனைவியை அடிச்சேன். கண்ணாடி கிழிச்சிடுச்சு டாக்டர்!''


''முதலிரவு அனுபவம் எப்படி இருந்துச்சு?''

''அந்த கொடுமையை ஏன் கேக்குறே... தண்ணீர் லாரி சத்தம் கேட்டதும் குடங்களை தூக்கிட்டு போனவர்தான். விடிஞ்ச பிறகுதான் வந்தாரு!''


''ஏண்டா கபாலி! கம்ப்யூட்டர் கம்பெனியில் திருடப் போயி மாட்டிக்கிட்ட!"

''விண்டோஸ் 2000ன்னு ஒரு ஸ்க்ரீன்ல தெரிஞ்சது. இது தான் ஜன்னல்ன்னு நினைச்சிட்டு உள்ளே பூந்துட்டேன் உடையற சத்தம் கேட்டு புடிச்சிட்டாங்கப்பா!''


நபர் -1 : "அதோ போறானே அவன்தான் என் குடியைக் கெடுத்தவன்..."

நபர் - 2 : "அடப்பாவி, அப்படி என்ன செஞ்சான்?"

நபர் - 3 : "பிராந்தியை கிளாஸ்ல ஊத்தி குடிக்கும் போது தட்டி விட்டுட்டான்...!"


விருந்தாளி: அம்மா, மனைவி சண்டையில் நொந்து போய் உன் அம்மாவை மட்டும் துபாய்ல இருக்கிற உன் தம்பி வீட்டுக்கு அனுப்பிட்டியே, இப்ப நிம்மதியா இருக்கியா?

வீட்டுக்காரர் : நீங்க வேற.. தினம் தினம் வெப் கேமிரா மூலம் இன்னும் சண்டை அதிகமாயிடுச்சு!


''இந்த வருஷம் 1000 ரூபா தான் சம்பளம். அடுத்த வருஷம் தான் 2000 தருவேன். எப்படி வசதி?''

''அப்ப நான் அடுத்த வருஷமே வேலைக்கு சேர்ந்துக்கறேன்!''


மந்திரி :- "மன்னா! நீங்க ஓவரா லஞ்சம் வாங்குறதை கேள்விப்பட்டு புலவர்கள் உங்களை தேடி வந்திருக்காங்க!"

மன்னர் :- "எதுக்காம்?"

மந்திரி :- "உங்களை பாராட்டி 'லஞ்ச புகழ்ச்சி' பாடுறதுக்கு!"


''ராப்பிச்சையோடு என்ன சண்டை?''

''என் சமையல் சரியில்லைனு ஏரியா பூராவும் சொல்லியிருக்கான்!''


''அர்த்த இராத்திரியில் கோலம் போட்டிருக்கே?''

''விடிஞ்சதும் கோலம் போட என் கணவருக்கு வெட்கமாக இருக்காம்!''

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rajunandha
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Joined: 04 Jan 2003
Posts: 293

PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2005 1:53 am Reply with quoteBack to top

"Stupid Questions, But smart answers"


Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : "! George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."


At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Well,it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought i'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.



In the bus:
A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again or should i try this time.



At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why?Would it rather have been you?



At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
Answer:-No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement.We occasionaly also spit in it.



At a family get-together.When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.



When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.



When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping.
Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?



When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......



At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts? Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.



You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke
Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!

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devanandbn
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Joined: 31 Dec 1999
Posts: 34

PostPosted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 1:05 am Reply with quoteBack to top

icon_cool.gif 'I am Not Sure - who will laugh & how big their mouth will be' icon_cool.gif

Ok Ok Understand, slow down , less noise , Again I am telling this is .. !!! Not For Serious Brains !!! icon_lol.gif

============================================
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
----------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
------------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was
water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?"
She replied,"In the lake."
-Henny Youngman
--------------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I
was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her.
>--------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to
interrupt her.
>---------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I
got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to
report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
------------------------------------------------------- ----
;Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
----------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost
to get married?"
The fa ther replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
----------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
----------------------------------------------------------
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
--------------------------------------------------------
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
----------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
----------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost
impossible.
------------------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through
life Thinking they had no faults at all.
---------------- -----------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
----------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for
whatever he wants,
But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a mom ent and says,"Okay, give me a
million dollarsa and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
----------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is
to forget it once.
----------------------------------------------------------
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive
=======================================

icon_wink.gif icon_wink.gif icon_wink.gif

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sangeethabheeman
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Posts: 93

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 5:33 am Reply with quoteBack to top

SOME OF THE INTERESTING EXPERIENCES I HAVE WITH MY KIDS EVERYDAY..!

1.MOM:DON'T SHOUT TOO MUCH.! THE ROOF WILL FALL ON YOUR HEAD..!
SON:MOM ! IF I 'SHOUT SOFT' WILL THE ROOF GO BACK?
MOM: icon_rolleyes.gif

2.SON:(ALWAYS KEEPS SAYING 'LOOSE,LOOSE' TO WHOEVER COMES HOME.)
MOM:LOOK ! IF YOU REPEAT THIS,I'L PUT CHILLY IN YOUR MOUTH!
AFTER A FEW DAYS...
MOM:(DRESSING UP THE SON)OH ! THIS PANTS SEEM TO BE TOO LOOSE!
SON:SHH..! DO YOU WANT A CHILLY IN YOUR MOUTH?
MOM: icon_rolleyes.gif

3.SON:(EATING SPICY CHIPS)MAA...! WATER ! WATER ! WATER !
MOM: (BZ AT HER WORK) WHAT FOR..?
SON:MMMMM......"W" FOR WATER..!

4.SON:(SERIOUSLY LOOKING AT A RECIEPT)MOM..! IS THIS A LOVE LETTER?
MOM: NO..! A RECIEPT..!( & KISSES HIM FOR HIS QUESTION)
SON:SO THIS KISS IS A LOVE MATTER ?!
MOM:(ALWAYS DUMB AT HIS QUESTIONS)

5.SON:WATHCING SERIUOSLY AT LORD 'VINAYAGA'S FOTO...MAA LOOK ! HIS NOSE IS "POM"( HE SHOWS IT BY CLOSING HIS NOSTRILS)
MOM:(AT BED TIME):OK ONDHU PAAMEY(STORY) EGUDHA?
SON:(MISTAKING 'PAAMEY' AS "POM")MMM...NAA AEGINEY..! SEE "POM" ( AGAIN HE SHOWS IT BY CLOSING HIS NOSTRILS)

6.SON :(DRINKING WATER ) LOOK MA, MY SHIRT IS WET..!
MOM : ADHUNA KASI STOOL MELE "HARTTHU" (PUT TO DRY)
SON : [ MISTAKING HARTTHU AS 'ATTHU' (GET ON) ] MM.. KASI ATTHIPTE..ENA MAADUDHU? ( HIS SHIRT WAS ON THE GROUND)

7.SON : MA , WHAT VEGETABLE IS THIS?
MOM : LADY'S FINGER.D'YOU WANNA TASTE IT?
SON : NO , YOU'RE A LADY.YOU HAVE TO TASTE.I'M A BOY!

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devanandbn
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Posts: 34

PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:12 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Who said Java is tough............
....so again ...this is not for 'Serious Brains!!! icon_rolleyes.gif icon_lol.gif icon_wink.gif

This is the recent analysis of Female Software Professionals????.


class Indian_Bachelor_female_professional
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge();
char non_co_operative;
};

class Married_female_Software_Professional
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work();
char unstable;
};

class Female_Engaged_software_professional
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding();
char edgy;
};

class Indian_Newly_Married_software_professional
{
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance();
char hen_pecked;
};

class Indian_husband_wife_software_professional
{
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_company;
void lov
};



Thanks. icon_rolleyes.gif

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